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Rene

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Oxfam Trailwalker - Sydney Australia [Apr. 24th, 2007|02:31 pm]
Rene
[mood |hopefulhopeful]

Hi Everyone !


I am taking part in Oxfam TRAILWALKER Sydney 2007 !



Oxfam Trailwalker is the world's greatest team challenge. And it's also one of the toughest. The challenge is to get our team of four across 100km of Australian bush in less than 48 hours - and to raise at least $5,000 to help to overcome poverty and suffering around the world. Oxfam works in 26 countries including Indigenous Australia. By raising money for Oxfam Australia our team (and you) will be making a tremendous difference to people's lives around the world.



If you would like to find out more or sponsor my team please visit www2.oxfam.org.au/trailwalker/Sydney/team/407



If you feel like forwarding this email to friends...and friends of friends that would be great too :-)

Let's see how much we can collectively raise! Keep your eye on the website for updates :-)



Oxfam Trailwalker Sydney
100km - teams of 4 - 48 hours
Visit www2.oxfam.org.au/trailwalker/Sydney/team/407


Rene :)
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Edyta [Nov. 22nd, 2005|07:39 pm]
Rene
[mood |scaredscared]

It's been a while since I have seen her alone, just the two of us, entourage free, and I miss it and miss her. This sunday at drinks, I spoke to her briefly about my plans to travel...and I had difficulty gaging her reaction. Is it wrong that I want her to miss me....and not just miss me, but not want me to go?

Does she hurt at the thought of being apart as I do? Or rather, because I am outwardly acting fine and not voicing my sense of loss, does she think I will not miss her? and that my heart isn't aching, and that I don't tear up at the thought of being without her? Is she doing the same as me? Is she adopting that same facade?

I'm hoping my absence will force her into a decision, I'm hoping by seeming to "move on" she will fear loss. When the truth is my heart and love will be as strong, if not stronger overseas...and she will be in my thoughts more so than now.

Does absence make the heart grow fonder? Or is it a case of out of sight out of mind?

God I love her...and I know she loves me, but for 4 years she has told me she loves me, and yet stayed with Mark....because she has had me anyway? or because she really does love Mark more?

Either way, I force something with this move....I force an answer...and yes, I plan to stay away as long as it takes...for her to leave Mark for me, or for me to get her out of my system.
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(no subject) [Nov. 19th, 2005|04:01 pm]
Rene
It's crazy...I don't see her for a week and I can feel the longing. I pray she follows me overseas.
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(no subject) [Nov. 19th, 2005|03:38 pm]
Rene
[mood |excitedexcited]

I have always felt as though I was living life by default, not living the life I wanted, but not sure how to get there, or even that it was possible...I was born into an abusive household, moved into "emergency accomodation" at 14...and sort of let inertia take its course...I fell into jobs, relationships, houses etc with a " whatever" sort of acquiesence....

AND I hated it...oh boy, it killed my soul!

I'd see people living their lives, akin to their morals, beliefs, ethics, personalities...and wondered why the hell I was not....I admired and envied their sense of being as they were suposed to..i have always attracted very strong friends...Strong in their life direction...very "on track" with where they intended to be....but I was a drifter, a maybe, a grey.

BUT I have exciting news....I have made that jump...my life happens via active decision now...!!!!!!! I have sold all of my posessions, keeping only my mattress, books, clothes....I'm moving into a cheap studio apartment, enrolling in a "teach english overseas" course...saving saving saving...and then buying a one way ticket to Europe.

I am FREE! Free to travel, see the world...live in Sicily!!!!, volunteer in Africa, Cambodia....Maybe come back to Australia, maybe not!

Instead of seeing a restrictive, small, limited world...I see a huge playground, a smorgesboard of expreience, I see POTENTIAL! I see the possibilities.

I can taste the freedom, and feel the exhileration and liberation of finally living in accord with my conscience.

So Cheers, here's to freedom :)

MY PAST IS NOT ME. TODAY I AM BORN.
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(no subject) [Oct. 23rd, 2005|01:31 pm]
Rene
I'm starting to plan ahead for christmas this year already.

Everyone is getting a gift donation on their behalf from this site :-

www.globalgiving.com

The hard part is chosing.... it is heart breaking how much need there is out there, and often for simple things like water, food, protection from disease...

My Uncle (Daniel) started the trend a few christmases ago, by using this website for gifts....I have taken this on board, and hope to inspire others also.

Do people really need that bottle of wine?, those chocolates? the socks?
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Stolen from Salenelle [Oct. 20th, 2005|11:47 am]
Rene
20 things you may or may not (or not even care to) know about me meme

1)I'm pushing my way through a second degree I'm not sure I want. I love to learn, and will never stop....but I'm begining to think I would be happier as an author, or hell even a gardener, reading journal articles on immunology, psychology, religion, philosophy etc etc in my own time. I hate having my natural curiosity squished and moulded into a box, you know " you must answer this essay question , do not stray off topic"... many of those topics are tediously boring...and the tip of the ice-berg I'd like to explore. But theres something compelling in those grades, those pieces of paper that say, you've done it, and done it well. My sense of self, and self esteem seem to depend on them.

2)I struggle with the concept of reality. I am never sure what is real, and what I should believe about myself. I flip between thinking I am arrogant in beleiving myself to be intelligent and attractive, to believing I am inferior to others, dumb, unattractive, a burden on society. I hate myself in both states, 1 for being shit, 2 for being arrogant and cocky. I really think this stems from childhood, with Mum and Phil telling me I was shit, and nothing (well worse than that, but you get the drift), and if I ever stood up for myself I was arrogant and had "a chip on my shoulder"......I tell you even now it makes me sick to the pit of my stomach with rage, frustration and helplessness. Dad on the other hand was a gem, always saying I was smarter than most, more attractive than most.....so who to believe? I also hate mediocrity, to me it is a gray area, and I'd hate to be so ill defined...I'd rather chose either extreme, than be identity-less. I had no clear distinction of self as a child, and struggle with it now.

3)Mu uncle wants me to move to LA for a while and help him with his catering company - just for a break away. I am afraid to go, I am afraid to go overseas and leave behind the things I have constructed here and incorporated into my sense of self. I have defined myself by uni degrees, friends, pets, my house.....who the hell am I without them?. I think I only feel real when I'm gardening/bushwalking, with close friends, writing.

4) As a child I am surprised nobody picked up on my abuse and depression. I remember playing cards with my uncle, and explaining to him that I "wanted to go home"...but not "home"...home as in somewhere safe and secure and comfortable (nurturing)...now i still want to go home...find that home...that place in life where I have a secure career, a loving partner etc...where the stress of , what I refer to as the creation of life, is gone.

5) I want to sing!!!! I want to sing in a band on stage, I believe I can sing....to me it is the ultimate artform. The ultimate spiritual gift. The ultimate expression.

6) I am not assertive in any way shape or form with "authority figures"...ie: those who are older, in positions of authority-boss/lecturer/parent, or those I really admire....it is a problem...and I end up raging internally against any trespasses because i can't seem to open up my mouth and let the words out.

7) I am half Sicilian, half Irish, but don't identify with the Irishness at all...it is as though I have pure Sicilian blood flowing through my veins. For the first few years of my life I lived with Mum and Dad downstairs from Nonna and Nonno, and then when they divorced I visited Dad every 2nd weekend. I loved it! Watching Nonna cook, and yes even clean, with so much joy and love. I loved the big family dinners, the planning of the next days meals a day in advance, Hell I even loved grocery shopping with Nonna!

8) I wrote a list with my sister when we were 8 years old, of all the things we would need when we moved out, and hid it under the bed.

9) I went to an all girls catholic highschool, and cried every mass because I felt tainted from the abuse at home, and was sure I was going to hell. The nun's thought it was love of god, and were training me to become a Nun...I didn't wan't to be a Nun, but desperately believed I needed salvation, so went along with it.

10) I have been in love with Edyta for over 4 years, she has been with Mark for 15. I dream of the day she leaves Mark for me, but am also afraid that I am not enough for her, will not live up to her expectations.

11)I got so drunk in my first year of uni that I was taken to hospital in an ambulance.....I missed dinner with my sister.

12)I am not into organised religion, but am very spiritual. Most people think I am very liberal / left wing...and yet I am personally against abortion (pro choice for others of course), to me even the morning after pill is wrong. I believe in life from the moment of conception.

13) During highschool I was out as a lesbian, and all my sisters boyfriends came to me and said "I'm only with her because I couldn't be with you"...I think they were just hoping for a shag.

14) I used to play the trumpet (badly) in the school band.

15)I have a bad temper (Sicilian/Irish/Taurean - I can't help it), but it is usually kept well within and out of view of others...I did make "fruit salad" on the kitchen floor once though, after a nasty Mum/Phil drama.

16) I am afraid to learn to drive. I am afraid of having someone watch over me whilst i have lessons, I am afraid of not being co-ordinated enough, I am afraid that if I did get my liscence I would not be able to control my death wish that sometimes plagues me without warning.

17) I am constantly tired, though blood tests have never revealed anything...so ??/ who knows why, but I get wiped out very easily. i often stay up later because I think i "should as an adult"...but boy, often I want to crash and be snoring by 8.30pm.

18) I want to give away near all my posessions, and lead a very simple life with the bare necessities. I want a yard big enough to create a fairly self sufficient veggie and herb patch. I want to recycle my own paper, have a rain water tank, etc etc...

19)I believe the western world has lost the plot.

20) My little dog;s hugs and kisses make me happier than any drug ever could. I know through her the vital importance of "contact comfort"
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Edyta. [Oct. 16th, 2005|06:39 pm]
Rene
I love her. I still really love her. I'm head over heals in love.

Every time I see her I can't help but smile...yes it's cliched but m eyes smile, my heart smiles, I feel aglow.

She leaves me wanting to hold her, touch her, breathe her in, kiss her.

She leaves me wanting to make love....something I only seem to feel for her now.

She visited only briefly today because K was here studying too, but I know I will see her again soon, and I know our lips will meet.

I anticipate it.

Edyta, has always been the one, and will always be the one.

I still believe we are meant to be together.

I know I can not love another as I do her.

aaaarrrrggghhhh Edyta I love you! and I am sorry I did not get to hold you, kiss you, make love to you today.
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APPLICATION TO psych pros [Sep. 7th, 2005|04:22 pm]
Rene

APPLICATION TO </a></font></a>psych_pros

1) Provide proof you are 18 years of age or older (can be done by temporarily showing full birth date on your userinfo).
Born 22nd April 1979 (26yrs old)
2) How many psychology/ social sciences classes have you taken? Name them, OR, if you have completed a major or minor in psychology/ social sciences, list what majors or minors you have completed.
All 1st year intro, 2nd year Developmental, Social, Cognitive, Abnormal, Biological, Statistics, 3rd year Statistics, CBT, Individual differences and assessment. Also I am a volunteer research officer for Suicide Prevention Australia.
3) Have you completed your Bachelor’s (4-year) degree in psychology OR are you currently pursuing or have successfully pursued a graduate degree in a psychology-related field?
Completed BSc(Biomedical science) majoring in immunology, genetics and biochemistry.
4) If you have not completed a Bachelor’s (4-year) degree, how far into completing your psychology major are you?
3rd year BPsyc(Hons)
7) Do you understand that posting memes, quiz results, promotions for non-psych related communities, or other information that should be reserved for a personal journal is considered irreverent* and will not be tolerated here?
Absolutely and I couldn't agree more.
8) Do you understand that you may seek advice in diagnosing someone ONLY if are in fact someone who is legally able to diagnose others and are seeking professional peer advice?
Absolutely.

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(no subject) [Sep. 7th, 2005|03:07 pm]
Rene
[mood |sadsad]

My writer friends will really understand this I think, (Hi Salanelle)

Damn I hate it when I am creating away on the computer and "crash" word/net whatever closes and I lose my work. There is no getting that back! To re-write is to imitate or even copy-cat yourself, it's always less, It's like the shell..and the guts-the creativity, the emotion, the feeling is all gone. You never remember exactly how you constructed that sentence, paragragh, page. That creative flow...all gone. suddenly you are aware that you are typing and creating...you are no longer in your head living, breathing and feeling the piece....maybe that's why it hurts so much...it's like losing a memory.

There is something very sickening and nauseating about your art just disappearing into the never never. Cold chills, shivers, grief, agony, fear, bereavement, panic, the shitty frustration.....that futile "nooooo!" and scrounging through words whatchamycall it, disaster recovery thing....Oh the hope! the prayers...the "please please please" to the mini computer god meditating on the motherboard. "ommmm".

I have word set to auto-saving every minute...but every writer knows that you can fill an entire page or more in that minute! but even one sentence lost...I feel like diving into the computer screen...hands out stretched, trying to grasp the tail end of it... if I could just grab that full stop...maybe I could pull out that whole sentence, and stick it nicely back into place (after checking that all it's fingers and toes are intact of course, and smothering it with little grateful kisses xxxxx).

I know art often gets destroyed, and it is always a huge loss...but to be destroyed/lost within seconds of creation? To be bearly just created and then "poof" It really brings to mind the elusive, transient, perhaps transendent nature of art....which could be perceived as beautiful...but not by the writer who has just lost the bleeping lot.

It's times like this I hope Yeats was right, that there is a universal consciousness....and that somehow/somewhere what I have created is known, and benefits, outside of me. That somewhere my creation still exists.

Good bye little sentences, you served me well.
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(no subject) [Sep. 5th, 2005|12:18 pm]
Rene
Does anyone else find it odd that mental states are so vulnerable to biochemical changes from our diet? (I guess thats why I aim to study orthomolecularpsychology lol)

Time for me to go back to 75% raw, organic veganism (caffiene and alcohol free) my poor little head doesn't stay happy and motivated if I don't...the poor little thing gets all temper tantrum-y and self loathing.

So, a promise to myself...from now on back to the above said diet.
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